And so it begins. My journey to seek restorative justice has been initiated on 8/17/21, which marks 5 years to the day where I said my goodbyes to my brother. At the time, I was going through my own mental health crisis and wanted my life to end. Little did I know at the time that would be the very last time I said “I love you” to my dear brother. Believe me, I carried the shame and guilt with that for a long time, but no more. It’s not what he would want, nor is it healthy.

On this very same day, it was indeed the offender (girlfriend at the time) who reached out to me, too, letting me know that I shouldn’t go through depression alone and she was there for me if I wanted to talk. I never responded, and it’s haunting me now that I did not. Why? Because that act alone, what she did, shows me she’s capable of emotion. How can a person who had no regard for my brother have regard for my mental state before?

Restorative justice will give me the opportunity to sit down with her and hold her accountable, to ask the millions of questions I have, and transform my pain into peace. I want to be free entirely of the hatred and fear; all of the darkness that comes with my brother’s death; all of the ugliness to be gone. I want true justice.